There are some things you do have control over. You can control how you feel, think and act. Before you get together with your family, think about how you want to be when you are around them. What boundaries can you set to avoid frustration, hurt or disappointment? If you feel you have to show up at a function due to obligation, there are some things you can do. Consider bringing another person who will be a support for you and a buffer with your family. Choose someone that will be your advocate. You could choose to arrive late and leave early. That way you will make your obligatory appearance, but don’t have to stay for the entire event. Another option is that you can choose to make different plans. You only need to do something one time in order to establish a new ritual. Be aware of what you can do to maintain control of how you choose to spend the holidays this year.
Read more by Loren Fogelman at http://www.kolpiacounseling.com/
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My husband and I have always made a plan when getting together for any sort of holiday with large numbers of family members. We decide on topics that will be off limits, and we make a plan for leaving if/when things become too stressful. It's too bad that it has to be this way, but better to plan than to just deal with it and be miserable!
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